Why the Draft is Awesome!
From your friends at ENJOYtheDRAFT.com
The draft is coming and I'm totally psyched!
Still, some of my friends are hassling me, spamming me with all sorts of scary stuff telling me how Bush is going to bring back the draft, so I should vote for Kerry. And I’m like, hello, I should vote to avoid the draft? Fuck that. The draft is TOTALLY GONNA RULE. So I started this site to make sure that no one takes away MY right to a draft.
But first of all, how do I know the draft is coming back?
Last year the selective service started staffing up the draft boards for the first time in decades. (
The Pentagon took it off their web site, but we got a cached copy, nyah nyah) Bush is already trying to figure out
which country to invade next, and the military is promising they
already have room for us. And just to make sure no one can dodge the fun this time, the Selective Service has ended college deferments and cut a deal with Canada to block the border. They even secretly asked for the legal authority to
increase the draft age to 34 AND draft women! Girls, dude, we're gonna get girls!
And there’s other awesome things about Bush bringing back the draft, like travel. I don’t know about you, but I’ve never left the country. But when I’m drafted, I’ll get to go to Iraq or Iran or Syria or, who knows, maybe even North Korea. I've always wanted to see Pyongyang and other places no one has ever fucking heard of!
What else is gonna be cool about a draft?
- This time around there won’t be college deferments, so even if you’re already in college, you’ll get to go. It’ll be like cutting class for four fucking years.
- At boot camp, you don’t have to hit the gym anymore because they have personal trainers to scream and beat you at 5 in the morning.
- Okay, it’s not like being a real celebrity, but Michael Moore might include your grieving mom in his next movie.
- The military will give you free health care if you lose a major body part, and they will totally pay for your funeral.
They’ve really thought of everything!
Could we avoid a draft?
Sure, I mean, we don't have enough troops, but if we changed our foreign policy to cooperate more with other countries, we might be able to avoid a draft. But - like, hello? - why would we want to do that? The draft is gonna rule!
And since Bush keeps going into new countries to kick their ass, and has beat down Iraq to where we need more and more troops, we've got to reelect him and make sure that a draft could start as early as six months from now!
Still, this election is going to be close. But Bush is slightly ahead in the polls, and young people usually don't vote, so things look good for both Bush and the draft.
